Phrases

-I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

-I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

-You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.

-No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

-There’s no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

-I wonder what chairs think about all day: “Oh, here comes another asshole.”

-The human spirit is more powerful than any drug – and that is what needs to be nourished: with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.

-Don’t associate yourself with toxic people. It’s better to be alone and love yourself than surrounded by people that make you hate yourself.

-We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we’re shopper-borrowers.

-Seize the day. Make your life extraordinary.

-If you’re that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.

-You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.

-Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

-If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

-You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.

-Life is fleeting. And if you’re ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day… make a wish and think of me

-Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.

-Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

-If women ran the world, we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

-You’re best when you’re not in charge. The ego locks the muse.

-Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.

-The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?

-To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.

-When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?

-I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

-What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven’t seen before.

-There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

-The things we fear the most have already happened to us.

-Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.

-There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.

-What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.

-There’s a time for daring and there’s a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

-You’ve got to be crazy! It’s too late to be sane, too late. You’ve got to go full tilt bozo… ‘Cause you’re only given a little spark of madness… and if you lose that, you’re nothing

-The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

-You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

-The truth is, if anything, I’m probably addicted to laughter.

-Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

-Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.

-It’s a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you – when he comes down from the mountain and you see he’s this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

-Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.

-And some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift, he’s Jewish! Give it up!

-You know what music is – a harmonic connection between all living beings.

-A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

-Why do they call it “rush hour” when nothing moves?

-Even mistakes can be wonderful.

-Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. ‘I want it to be the way it was.’ But if you continue the way it was there will be no ‘is.’

-When I was growing up they used to say, “Robin, drugs can kill you.” Now that I’m 58 my doctor’s telling me, “Robin, you need drugs to live.” I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.

-Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

-In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say ‘Stop, or I’ll say stop again.’

-Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: “You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.” Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, “It’s 5:00 in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.”

-Do you think God gets stoned? I think so … look at the platypus.

-Do you think God gets stoned? I think so … look at the platypus.

-Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

-Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

-Ballet: men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

-If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

-Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never notice that this is a beautiful as it gets.

-The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’

-You need a touch of madness, just enough that you don’t become stupid!

-Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

-Boys, you must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin the less likely you are to find it at all.

-They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons – because they installed them

-My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is.

-Avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys – to woo women – and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

-If I asked you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell.

-I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, ‘Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?’ And I said, ‘Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?’

-I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

-She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other

-Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’

-“Flashback: Robin Williams’ 1998 Oscar Acceptance Speech” by David Humphreys, etcanada.com. August 12, 2014.

-Kid, if You Need Booze or Drugs to Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest, You’re Doing It Wrong.

-I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It’s 71 Virginians, you asshole!

-Just now when I said, “I have a crush on you,” you didn’t say, “no way loser”. I’d rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something

-People say that I’m a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that’s really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I’m an air breather, I’ve gotten used to that over the years.

-Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die.

-But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.

-I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

-Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

-What’s wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

-My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that’s where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I’d use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that’s where it [my comedy] all started.

-Comedy is acting out optimism.

-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.

-The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.

-The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn’t fit.

-Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying “I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.” The other is “You want fries with that?”.

-We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

-Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

-Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.

-After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

-Compassionate conservative. I don’t know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

-For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I’m outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it’s hardest to see.

-Politically, I don’t care what party you’re from, offer a point of view and let’s see what happens and really debate the issues rather than use personal attacks. Really talk about it, talk about immigration, talk about education, talk about pollution.

-One day [when I relapsed] I walked into a store and saw a little bottle of Jack Daniel’s. And then that voice – I call it the ‘lower power’ – goes, ‘Hey. Just a taste. Just one.’ I drank it, and there was that brief moment of ‘Oh, I’m okay!’ But it escalated so quickly. Within a week I was buying so many bottles I sounded like a wind chime walking down the street.

-If you can remember the sixties, you weren’t there.

-When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

-I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.

-A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.

-If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

-Ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them I was crazy about them. Once I held them I was hooked. I am addicted to my children sir. I love them with all my heart and the idea of someone telling me I can’t be with them, I can’t see them everyday. Well, it’s like someone saying I can’t have air.

-Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.